Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Top Ten Things Kerry said during the Swift Vets Call.....

A good friend of this blog, Ace of Spades HQ, has a great take on today's Kerry/Swift Boat Vet phone call in his post entitled "Calling the SwiftVets: John Forbes Kerry's First Diplomatic Test". Essentially, Ace calls upon Kerry to use his self-proclaimed extreme diplomatic skills to smooth this dispute over.

Unbeknownst to Ace, however, the Senator was present for this historic call, and had the opportunity to listen to Kerry's negotiating skills first hand. As the following list will reveal, I was left unimpressed.

I present to you, then, the top ten things John Kerry said when calling the Swift Vets.

10. Failure to pull those ads will result in my going "Jenjis Caan" on you.

9. I must admit...those ads do have a certain "je ne sais quoi" about them."

8. It's not like you can get anywhere in life by lying about and maliciously smearing others!

7. Do you know who I am???!!!

6. No really. Do you know who I am? I've told so many stories I can't really remember.

5. Look..pull the ads and I'll get you a sweet deal on the ketchup concession for the next VFW convention.

4. Do you treasure your family? 'Cause I know some guys from Cambodia who owe me a "favor"....wait...why are you laughing?

3. Cowards don't bring hamsters back from the brink of death! Especially when said hamster is under heavy VC fire that no one else remembers!

2. You want to bring it on? Anytime you want to go "garcon a garcon" you know where to find me.

1. Please? Pretty Please? Pretty Pretty Please with a Cherry on top? I'll be your best friend! Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzeeeeee???

I yield the floor.


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